Gentle
by Omentum
Summary: /SasuSaku-AU Dark/ "So close your eyes, love.  That's right.  Close them. I'll try to be gentle."


**Author's Notes: **This is a morbid modern day AU fic that's OOC. You've been warned. XD Still, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please tell me what you think. ^^

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto.

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**Gentle**

Fact. You don't suffer through severe trauma without losing something of yourself.

If you pass through hell and manage – miraculously – to survive, then chances are bits and chunks of _you_ have been devoured by all those demons.

Nobody gets out unscathed. _Nobody_.

They're merciless, those demons.

They took my heart.

Outside, I am whole – beautiful, even… you agree, don't you? Well, don't you?

Yeah, I thought so. You wouldn't have given me the time of day if I wasn't.

But it doesn't matter. Not really. You see, inside, I am empty.

I'm a husk.

I used to be normal, you know… as normal as a second-best son can ever be, anyway. But I was pretty much okay. You might have even thought I was cute. I smiled a lot, ran around a lot, made cheeky childish comments, always gave my best. My mom just _adored_ me. My dad – different matter. But so what, you know? I would've gotten over that piece of injustice eventually, coped as best as I could.

Point is, I would have been just like everyone else, perhaps with a bit of emotional baggage, a slight inferiority complex when it comes to perfect big brother, maybe… but normal nonetheless.

All my chances at normalcy flew out the window when my brother turned out to be a homicidal maniac though.

You know, perhaps it does run in the family. Insanity.

No, no, that's not right. It runs in everyone. You. Me. Them. All one really needs to cross the line is a trigger.

Mine, mine was seeing my brother standing over the corpses of my parents.

Imagine coming home to that.

And I was looking forward to showing off my report card too. I had perfect A's that semester. I was hoping that dad would be proud. But as always, brother dear got to him first.

Now, now, don't shake your head at me. Didn't you want to learn about me? Didn't you always say that I 'push you away'? That I don't "open up to you"? Well, I'm spilling my guts here, so have some respect and fucking listen.

Come to think of it, you know what's so damn annoying? You. You hold me to such high standards; tell me to be strong, to cope, to get over myself, to be _good_. But imagine being fine after all of that. You never had to go through it, so what gives you the right to judge me? I can't help myself, you know. If I'm like this, it's because of what happened back then.

Blame my brother. Blame the circumstances. Hell, blame God.

I do, you know. Blame God.

Who else is there to blame?

Only a twisted fucker can make a twisted fucker like me.

But I digress. What was I talking about? Ah yes… me, my life.

Back then, I blamed my brother. It was easy to do so, since he pracitcally told me to.

Going after him was a given. So I did just that.

Justice, I called it. Revenge.

It kept me preoccupied. For a while.

I hated him for what he did, you know. He ruined my life.

But then, when I finally got him, when his warm, sticky blood was pooling in my hands… I understood. I finally understood.

It felt good.

I couldn't blame him then, not anymore.

I understood.

Of course, I soon found out that it was some government conspiracy that pushed my brother to do what he did… the stirrings of a coup'd'etat forcing him to kill his kin… for the good of his country, the death of few to save many…

Fat lot of good that revelation did to me… And here I was thinking that my brother and I finally had something in common.

He was noble, apparently. Foolish, but noble. They told me that he lived a clean life after the massacre, lived the best he could. Tried to… what's the term… oh yes, redeem himself. Went to church and shit.

But I, well, I knew better.

I understood.

It felt good.

It felt really good.

I started with the small fry, at first. People who wouldn't be missed. Bums, whores, you know the type. I told myself that I was doing society some service – which is funny, because I don't really give a damn about society. My brother sacrificed our family for the good of society, remember? I'd be _abnormal_ if I didn't hold a grudge about that.

But the bums and whores stopped being _enough_, you know. So I went for the old men and old women. I figured I was doing _them_ a service. I mean, really, who wants to live that long, eh? I was being merciful.

But they weren't enough either.

They were… boring. Never put up much of a fight.

Chidren… I tried them once. But people put up too much of a racket over missing children. I figured they weren't worth the risk. Besides, they were annoying. Cried too much. Called for their mommies and daddies. Made me uncomfortable. Annoying.

So I next went for the couples, the happy ones. Now they, _they_ were the most interesting. In fact, it was this little stint in my career that led me to you.

You know, on hindsight, I think the reason they took so long to find me was that I was so… random. Patterns didn't really matter to me… not much, anyway. I'm not as… creative… as others out there. Usually, their creativity becomes their downfall. It's easy to see patterns, after all.

Me… It doesn't take a lot to satisfy me. I'm a no-nonsense guy. That helped, don't you think?

Anyway, as I was saying, those happy couples… they gave each other this special _look_ before they, you know, kicked the bucket.

I wanted that too.

And so I remembered you, you and your promise. Of course, it was a bit of a stretch, considering that you confessed to me way back in middle school. People generally don't hold on to crushes that long.

But I suppose I got lucky. You were a loyal one, persistent to the point of foolishness. It wasn't just a crush. It was, miraculously, _love_.

Interesting.

I've got to thank you for that, really.

So…

_Thank you._

Dear, dear, Sakura, don't cry. Don't cry.

I love you, you know, I love you as much as someone like me can love – which, sadly for you, isn't much.

Sorry about that.

Really.

Sorry.

I really do love you, you know. Don't shake your head like that. You know, at one point, I even tried to _stop_. For you. But I couldn't. Really, I tried. Still, like I told you, I can't help myself.

But you know, I'm glad… I'm glad that you were telling the truth when you said you loved me with all your heart. And you've got a big heart too, so you probably love me a lot. You were the only sane part of my life. I thank you for your honesty. Your loyalty. Your love.

No, don't shake your head… You know you love me.

In fact, I'm willing to bet that, even through those ropes and that gag, you still love me. You've always been very accepting of who and what I am. I'm… very lucky to have you.

So since you love me, and I love you, I'll save you from being sad.

They've caught on to me, you know. It's only a matter of time until I'm caught.

But I'll die first before I let them catch me.

You're a complication though.

I don't want you to suffer through that.

My death would sadden you.

So close your eyes, love. That's right. Close them.

I'll try to be gentle.

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**Fin.**


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